Glad to get a Break

Pain or no pain I was glad to get out to friends and family night at Burke's Irish Castle.

So proud of my youngest bro for all he's accomplished in his life.

Great food, great atmosphere, great time.

Till tomorrow
~ SB

I'm Surrounded by Greatness

And I mean it when I say that.

I have been extremely blessed in the fact that I have some of the greatest family and friends ever. I have had days in my life that have driven me to darkness, but there has always been, always been someone there.

Someone who cracks a joke, someone who gives a smile, someone who offers a hug (even though that's not usually my thing). It's always such an encouragement, and in all seriousness makes me so happy.

As the pain medication wears off and I start to feel the burn in my eye after the stitches came out this afternoon, I'm still sitting here smiling, thinking of the multiple emails, texts, Facebook messages, etc. that I received just in the time from my last post yesterday night till now.

Greatness...I'm surrounded by greatness (even when some of us are hundreds of miles apart)!

If you don't believe me, take a look:

"thinking about you"
"love you lots"
"He is with you every step of the way......as are we!"
" I will be thinking about you"
" You're on my mind...all the best"
"Here's looking at you :) "
" I will be thinking about you"

And that is just a sampling of you all.

You continue to show me it's all worth it.

Till tomorrow
~SB

Nerves are Kicking In

The remaining stitches are coming out tomorrow. You would think after having this done multiple times I would not fear it anymore. And I guess it isn't even that I am really afraid. It just means that this is the turning point after this second transplant.

The stitches come out and then we move forward. But do I move forward with better vision or the same as before? I know that there are a lot worse struggles in life, and I have been extremely lucky in the turnout of my circumstances, but sometimes I think about the fact that I am 32 years old and am potentially going down a path to blindness.

I have been really encouraged by friends and family, but it is still hard when I think about certain things. Like knowing I will potentially fail my next drivers test, or realizing how much I take for granted.

I'm glad I am trying to set some new priorities for this year, because they are helping me see things from a different perspective.

Change happens and even though sometimes the changes aren't what we want, they may be what we need.

Don't get me wrong, I am not thrilled about tomorrow, but I will still enjoy today. And if you think about it, tomorrow will be today eventually, so maybe I will be fine.

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Amanda, Come Back

The title says it all.

I miss this girl already, and it's only the end of our first day at work without her. But, I don't take back how happy I am for her.

Getting to be her friend makes my life a lot happier!

Till tomorrow
~SB

Happy Birthday Tony

Happy birthday, Tony.

You have been a pretty cool big brother over the years. I'm really glad we actually hang out now.

Here's to another great year, bro.

Till tomorrow
~SB

It's About People

A PSA from me...

I know it sounds cliche, but I genuinely believe it.

Guns don't kill people. People kill people.

And no, it wasn't loaded.

Now back to watching the UFC fights.

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Successful Night

Had a ton of fun tonight...

Thanks for the laughs Amy, Gary, Tina, Tami, Olivia and Gavin.

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Contradictions

I take a stand falling on my knees

awaiting answers with baited breath...breathing heavily

crying in silence to be heard

Eyes open wide

but blinded by the darkness

Moving, yet standing still

Till tomorrow

~SB

Unacceptable

All I have to say today is this is unacceptable.

I love how 21° will feel warm.

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Letting Go

Today I was reflecting on something I heard years ago. It stays with me because it is so contradictory to what we normally think.

Think about a trying time in your life, or a moment when things were about to be at their worst. Imagine for a moment that that thing/event had a rope tied around it. Now think about your natural reaction to those things going wrong. When things go bad our first thought is to hold on tighter. For me it was always the same, I held on tighter. We take comfort in holding on thinking that it gives us some sort of control...thinking that anyway.

But I heard an approach that really hit something inside me.

What if I just let go?

Crazy, right?

What if I stopped focusing so hard on the problem, and just continued to be? What if holding on to the rope tighter was only making things worse for myself?

I'm trying to let go.

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Had a Good Day

I liked today.

Had a great morning singing at church, spent some time shopping with my sister-in-law & my niece and ended the night watching a movie and some television with my cousins.

Nothing profound to say today. Simply put, no complaints here.

Till tomorrow
~SB

Choices

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like now had I made different choices. What if I had chosen a different first college? What if I had stayed with my science major? What if I took better care of myself? What if I didn't say the thing I did when I did?, etc...

I know that we can't live in the "what ifs", but sometimes I wonder if things would be monumentally different. I know I am NOT alone in this thinking. But I've also thought a lot about the fact that I still know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. My journey has had a lot of bumps along the way, and I guarantee it is not over yet. But, I look at it this way: maybe the bumps and the curves in the road are preparing me for challenges I don't even know about yet. And for me, I'd rather be prepared.

I know that sounds a little strange, but I have been through things. Things I wouldn't wish on others. Yet, if you were to ask me if I wish it hadn't happened. While I may say yes, I still know deep down that those things have changed me, and have helped shape me into the person I am. Who, by the way is a pretty cool person. Haha.

All in all, maybe I'm not happy with every little thing in my life right now, but I have joy that I HAVE a life right now.

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Fringe

I can't believe it's over.

This has been one of my favorite shows of all time.

A moment of silence...

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Music

Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE music. I have been singing since I was 4, and have loved every minute of it. It's the longest I've ever done anything.

Music makes me smile, makes me laugh, and sometimes makes me cry, but it always moves me.

Even listening to opera, in a foreign language reaches past the barriers and says something.

Band rehearsal at church tonight...

Till tomorrow
~SB

Words...

The smile is familiar
But her eyes are not
I see her
It's as if she knows me
Her words, like mine
Her thoughts
on time
in line
they bind
me to her
I'm stuck on her eyes
They betray her smile
tell me she lies
and she cries
about what's underneath
My hand reaches out
to touch her face
to place
grace
understanding her need to be hidden
hiding my need to know
She reaches for me
fingers extended
reaching glass

Reflection

Till tomorrow
~SB

Computer Down

Well, I can't get into my blog tonight via computer, so I am writing it from my phone... guess this one is going to be brief.

Had a dinner adventure with my cousin for her birthday. I almost feel like we spent more time driving than actually eating. But in the end we had a great meal and of course a lot of laughs.

We even revisited the fact that when we first met we didn't like each other. We laugh about it now because neither one of us knew why. Look what I would have missed out on had we not got our acts together. Many, many years of great memories!

Happy birthday, Amy!

Getting ready to visit my pillow...

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Taxes

So, I just finished my taxes...and surprise, surprise, getting a weak refund. But, hey, money is money, right? I'm trying to keep that perspective.

I guess I should be grateful that I still get to file fairly simple forms. However, this will be my last year for that. :) Is it bad that I'm looking forward to buying a house so I get a bigger refund? Haha. Kidding...I am looking forward to owning my own home for a thousand reasons, none of which are seriously for the refund.

I can't wait to have a place that is mine again. A place I can sing at the top of my lungs, a place I can think, a place I can rest, a place I can just be me.

I will miss mom & dad though... being single and living with them made me feel not so alone. But soon it will just be me and Mr. Beau Jangles again. Adjustments are coming...

All-in-all, though, I am very excited to take some steps to change.

Till tomorrow

~SB

A Weekend in Review

It was a weekend full of events... Did a lot of things and got a lot of news...

In 2 short days there were 2 birthday parties, getting together with friends for dinner, then ice cream, then church, then my everyday stuff, and finally getting together again for dinner and TV...

Ever feel like you need a weekend to get over your weekend??

But hey, I wouldn't trade this stuff for anything in the world. When your obligations obligate you to be with people you like, it's not so hard to commit.

Just 1 more day of realizing that I am blessed.

Good times.

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Ceviche

Today I had shrimp Ceviche (and there was avocado in it)... Yes, I ate avocado. But in that form, with all the other tasty accoutrements, it was delicious.

I'm making that soon...perhaps for a house warming party. Don't you love how I'm already planning the party for a house I don't even own.

Enough said.

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Turning a Day Around

These last few days have been complicated to say the least. Things at home and things at work have left me drained. It's that emotional drain that you just can't shake. But I still know that I am quite blessed.

I have some of the coolest friends and family that I can think of. To steal a quote that is often used, friends being the family you choose. But don't get me wrong, I have some pretty awesome family members too.

So I guess even when there are hard days, there are always bright spots too, whether it is family or friends.

Today I am trying to focus on that and how amazing it really is.

I had a great reminder of how cool some of my friends can be just by having a ladies' lunch during work today. Megan, Laura and Amanda, today you were my rocks. Thanks for being awesome!

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Jackson... Happy Birthday

You will always be my first nephew...and I can't wait to see the amazing little guy you grow into.

You make me smile, and Nana loves you!

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Alesha...Happy Birthday

Sorry I missed posting on your actual birthday...buy I texted you, so I win.

You've turned into a cool cat, and I'm glad we're related.

Til tomorrow
~ SB

Winter Tired

I'm ready for things to start growing. As much as I hate gardening, I hate seeing all the brown even more.

That is all I have to say.

Let's go spring.

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Brother's Keeper

You say you’re not your brother’s keeper
And you’re willing to keep your brothers down
Fighting, lighting, inciting
Each other, fires and riots
Uniting

For the wrong reasons
For too many seasons
Then we die
And we live
And we give
And we strive for “equality”
In someone’s eyes
Or maybe their lies
In death
In graves
In life
In names
We are the same
On paper anyway
But look closer and see what remains
The blood stains
The pursuit of gains
And the games played
To tame the fame of those
Who have no name
At least not any longer
Cause now you’re stronger
The leaner, meaner machine
Ready to clean
The spots from your own reputation
Leaving behind a nation
Of brothers forgotten
Trampled in the dust
Of your lust
For a worth determined by coin
Now too will the seed of your loin
Have to carry your mistakes
Cover for your frauds and fakes
Never living a life that’s his own
But growing in the hate that was loaned
Trade it back; be denied
Error; reboot; don’t believe the lies
Live what you know
But first know how you want to live

Till tomorrow
~SB

James... Happy Birthday

I meant to post this yesterday, but left it in my drafts in the rush of the day.

Today is my youngest brothers birthday. He's a good guy. I want great things for him.

He's a talented chef and a great dad.

Here's to a great year, James. You're big sister loves you.

Til tomorrow
~ SB

The Laundromat

So this morning I went to the laundromat. Could I have done laundry at my house, yes, but oh well. I have my reasons.

So, for 1 1/2 hours this morning I had a room to myself to read, think, and just sit still.

What did I think about? Life. What did I think about life? Changing it. How do I do this?

My laundry finished before I got that far. Haha

Any pointers, feel free...

Till tomorrow
~ SB

My dad...

This guy is awesome. He loves like he should, and he's the greatest dad I ever could have asked for.

Get better soon dad, I love you.

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Streams

I flow like a river with its source
From the knowledge that is growing
From the sediment of truth
Sprouting up and taking seed
Watchful eyes awaken a need
To be real in understanding
The science of fiction
And the fiction behind truth

Before your very eyes
You see the demise
Of a nation
Not a whole, but divided
Be patient
One day a piece of that nation
Will spring forth in celebration
Biting not only “the hand that feeds it”
But sending it back with a nub
Cause they don’t need it

Then you’ll sit and wonder why
You didn’t even try
To help before it was too late
Now what is sealed is your fate
Drying up, exposing your lake bed
And the dying vegetation that you’ve been fed
No wonder your logic is twisted
No wonder you’ve gone and missed it
You’ll be trampled under their feet

Spend your money; make your ends
Say a little more than “it depends”
Because it doesn’t
It’s bound to happen
When you chain them and detain them
Force feed them and try to lead them
Down a path none have chosen but must traverse
Don’t be surprised when your future is cursed

You led them to water, but they won’t drink

Till tomorrow
~SB

Frustration...

I'm only gonna vent for one sentence.
I'm not sure why people are the way they are, and I'm sure some people would say that about me. But guess what, we've all got to live on this earth together...so settle down. Haha

So, what's new for today? Not much else. Went back to work, had lots to do. Now it's home, trying to keep my head on straight.

Really glad I have those people in my life who keep me focused, keep me sane, keep me laughing, keep me smiling...glad you get me.

Till tomorrow
~ SB

So this is it...

I guess the title says it all...so this is it. No resolutions for 2013...just gonna set some goals for myself. If you haven't already seen them, here you go:

1. Continue my no soda rule (today marks 1 year)
2. Buy myself a house for my birthday
3. Work on my blog consistently for the next year
4. Try to live in the joy of life instead of the happiness of circumstance

I think 4 goals is healthy...

So, in case you haven't figured it out, I am working on # 3 right now.

You may see photos, you may hear tangents, you may just see some random letters that come together to make sentences, that come together to show the thoughts that run through the mind of a girl moving forward.

Till tomorrow
~SB