I Don't Want to Be

I don't want to be anything other than me. Than who I am and can be.

There's nothing wrong with that, but I guess I'm saying it more to me than anyone reading this.

I can't pretend
I don't have time
I won't make time

Remembering who I have to be for someone (when it isn't the real me) is work I'm not willing to do anymore. I'm not angry, just making peace with it.

There is never going to be a time when everyone loves, wants & appreciates me in all my craziness. But there is always going to be a time when those near & important to me will love, want & appreciate me. I am grateful for that.

Living this life.

Feelings. Nothing more than feelings.

I always thought I wasn't the type of girl who was "girly". I don't like chick flicks, I don't like shopping. I don't like chocolate. (I almost heard you gasp in disbelief)

Relax.

But then, who's to say just because those things aren't me, that I'm not girly? Just because I love action movies, or riding a 4-wheeler, or watching football.

I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and came to terms with the fact that I'm girly simply because I'm a girl. And that works for me. I like to put on makeup and have it look nice. I like to look in the mirror and like what I see. I like to hear someone say I look pretty.

I may just be wearing makeup to a screening of The Fast & The Furious, but it's me.

Lately I've felt less and less like I need to define myself by a societal label, and more and more like I just need to live my authentic life.

Living this life. 

I'm Coming Back

It's been over 3 years. To think how much life happens in three years is incredible. While I haven't been updating on the blog itself, I have been writing and reading, singing and loving the moments I've experienced.

I promised a certain someone that I would start writing again on my blog, so here goes.

I think I'm going to try to upload some of the things I've written during the time I was away.

In essence,
I want people to know me
I want people to understand me
I want people to be around me

Living this life.

Hey, I think I just accidentally came upon my tag for the next little while.

"Living this life".

More Changes

Ok, so the blog is going to change. My original intention was to do 1 post a week with my thoughts, photos, ideas, etc.

I got ambitious and forgot that I had a lot on my plate. I thought I could do this daily post things but in reality I can't.

I don't know why I feel bad but for some reason I do. Maybe it feels like a failure, or maybe I don't like giving up. But I can't look at it that way.

This is just another in a line of changes.

So weekly posts it is.

Till tomorrow (cause I think I'll do this on Sunday nights),
~ SB

Snow...of course

Just doing what everyone else is...

Till tomorrow
~ SB

Exhaustion

Tonight, I'm tired. Worked nearly 11 hours with only a 5 minute break.

And still, I didn't get everything finished...and I hate leaving things unfinished.

Guess I will be back at it tomorrow.

Till tomorrow
~SB

Revelation 4 Reflection

Wrote this at small group tonight at church. My reflections on if I "walked in" on Revelation 4.

Blinded by brilliance, yet I see
colors I cannot describe
surrounded on all sides
with wonder
Breath escapes me as I take it in
Power
Deafening crashes
a tympani to their song
music in their words
Resounding voices in a harmony unheard
every word
singing forever holy
holy
Holy
All that lives
the breathes
adoration
All eyes on the King
No past
no present
no future can contain
Majesty
Awakening
I take a stand falling on my knees
giving my life in worship
Raising no longer silent cries from a heart that longs
to serve the one who is worthy.

Till tomorrow
~SB